Dr. Eboni Green
October 3, 2025
Dignity and pride aren’t bad qualities to have in any sense, especially if you’re genuinely pleased with the work, you’ve done and like to hold yourself to a certain standard. Keeping a home in good condition, for example, is something many have pride in.
However, as we get older, we can indeed become somewhat set in our ways. That’s not necessarily a character flaw, it just means our preferences have had time to solidify, and that can work against us in various ways. We might dismiss “new music” as being incomparable to the old, perhaps justified in a few cases, but also blocking off some very interesting new artistry we might enjoy if we gave it a chance.
You may find yourself struggling with an elderly relative in this way, especially if your care provisions aren’t quite enough to cover their needs anymore, and you’re trying to convince them to seek additional help. It’s hard not to feel like you’re imposing on a dismissive or proud elderly relative when they don’t want to hear any of it, but you also care for their wellbeing enough to bring it up. For many, it feels like an impossible situation to handle.
In this post, we hope to suggest some insights that could help these conversations along:
Pride often comes from being self-sufficient, so if you can show how extra support helps them keep doing the things they care about, the conversation is liable to go better. Someone might resist help because they see it as losing control, but if you point out that getting assistance with certain tasks means they can still garden or cook or spend time on hobbies they love, that helps the perspective a bit.
You could also mention how some of the best retirement communities are built around giving people more options, not fewer, and that having support nearby means they’re not stuck waiting for family to be available whenever something needs doing.
Pushing too hard usually makes people dig in their heels, so if you can ask questions and listen to their concerns without immediately jumping to solutions, you might get further than you expect. They probably have reasons for resisting that make sense to them, and if you understand what those are, you can better talk through them, instead of talking past each other.
Sometimes they’re worried about cost, or they don’t want strangers in their home, or they’re scared of what accepting help means about where they are in life. If you can create space for them to say what’s really bothering them, you’ll have a better sense of what might work and what’s just going to lead to more arguments. People are more willing to consider change if they feel heard first.
No matter the age, few people like having choices made for them, so if you can bring them into the process and let them have a say in what kind of help they get, they’re more likely to accept it. Perhaps they’d rather have someone come by twice a week than move somewhere new, or maybe they’re open to visiting a community and seeing what it’s like before deciding.
f they pick the option themselves, they’re less likely to resent it later, and you’re not stuck feeling like you forced something on them that they never wanted in the first place.
With this advice, you’re sure to help a relative, even a proud one, find the care they deserve.
